Sunday, April 24, 2011

hearts desire

I have a plan.

How long have I had no plan, other than to just survive? My focus was to make it through. Nothing more, no grand plan. I was working hard to overcome. To get over it. To make sense of. Then I would rest and do it all over again.

I never thought  would make it here. Here, as in in the mountains. Here, as in having enough. Here, as in present in my body, and not caught in my mind, so my soul could settle and be settled.

If somebody asked you if you could do anything, no money constraints or any limitations... What would you do? Hearts desire. Can you name something?

When I was asked that by one of my spiritual teachers, I paused. I had never really thought about that. No holds barred? I think I gulped down some air with a nervous swallow and had no answer. I tried. I really did. But there was nothing that stood out in particular. I was too busy surviving to ever think about an idea as luxurious as that.

Fast forward to now. Here I am. Living my dream. I love the mountains. I love walking outside of my door. I love my old creaky house with the bathroom that is screaming to be remodeled. I love my children and my husband, I love my farm. I love each animal. The last couple of days as I went to feed and water everybody, I have stopped and just sat with the animals. I don't touch them or speak to them during these times. I just sit quietly and watch them. I absorb the energy they put out so effortlessly. Each one content to be here. Each one grateful. Each one in their bodies. Nothing but pure being alive. As I am.

It is quite simple. However us humans are always reaching for more. Something. Meaning, or stuff or money or recognition. Something. We want it.

I am at a place in my life where I can say without hesitation, that I am where I should be, doing what I should do. So ask me now Katy. I have an answer for you. It took a few years, but I do have an answer.

Yes I have a plan. To continue the same. Within this familiarity within my dream, is where I want to be. Content to continue on here.


there are lilacs here

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