Wednesday, November 9, 2011

old reflections

I don't feel old. I mean, I don't feel old until I look in a mirror, and then I am like. Crap. Old. Not in a vain sort of way, but in a come on life... let me hit restart a few times. I like to age, I just don't like the limitations that age brings. If I ever tried a cartwheel again, I am sure I would be put in traction for a month. Not that I have an urge to do cartwheels, but still, one of my superwoman powers is not working anymore and I don't like it.

Interesting that I pick this age to become a farmer woman. It would have suited me better when I could lift with abandon, and be limber enough to climb, and jump, and run fast. My old knees and back wont have it. Stupid genetics, or whatever.

But perhaps the timing might be perfect. Of course it is.But I still I have a need to place everything out in front of me, only to be able to bring it all back in again. It was always there, I just have to see it. Examine it, talk about it, and then I am done with it. That is why I am here talking. I guess that is where my mind is tonight.

It is ok to be old. It is ok not to be able to break out my superpowers in a physical manner. Because when I am forced to slow down, even just a little, I find that it is not about the product, but more about the process. I am processing. Just have a seat and wait while I process.

Now when I move, I do it carefully and thoughtfully. I might think things through before diving in and doing it the hard way. My limitations are actually bringing on new talents. Forethought. Even though it can get in the way of my spontaneity, I feel like I am sort of new again. Somebody did hit the restart button while I wasn't looking at it in that longingly way.

That is the cool part of getting older. Fricken epiphanies galore. My eleven year old was talking today and talked about how she has them, epiphanies. She asked me if I knew what they were. (New concept for her, it must be for me too, right?) I said, yes I know what they are. Smiling to myself thinking I think I am having one right now! Epiphanies at eleven!

Children are both the time keepers of how fast life goes by, and they also have the ability to stop the clock in a freeze frame. Like tonight, My oldest daughter, twenty, and her fiance came over for dinner tonight. We ate, laughed, debated, and read tarot cards. Just like when she was little, and she still is. She is petite and has long blond curly locks, and is fair skinned with blue eyes and rosebud lips. People ask her if she is old enough to work at her job. She always makes sure she says "I love you Mommy" before she goes off with her new man. ::sigh:: I was just her age what seems like just a year or so ago.

Then I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror again. Crap. Old.

Epiphany time!

I still have the twinkle in my eye of my youth, but I now know how to use it.

special twinkle superpowers activated
powered down for the night
good night all...
~crow

10 comments:

  1. Getting old is definately not for the faint-hearted, that's my epiphany.
    Like you, I once carried bales of hay to the barn, truck full after truck full, wrestled with 1800lb horses, survived on four hours of sleep a night....
    I underwent knee surgery back in March of this year, it's a good day if I can just keep my balance.
    Wouldn't it be great if when we grow older we still had the strength of our younger years.

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  2. Just wait till your brain tells you you're still 25, but you have a bad knee, a bad back, diabetes, asthma, creeping arthritis, baldness, excess weight, dodgy teeth, and the age of Methuselah. That's when it begins to really trouble!

    Right; my veg' patch needs digging!

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  3. I love epiphanies, and I wish I had more of them. Your goat story was so transfixing, I was so scared for you. We recently bought 2 kid boer goats, and they are sooooo adorable.

    I think if I tried a cartwheel too, my body would stop moving. Forever.

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  4. You're contractually obliged to have multiple epiphanies when you get to 40. Them's the rules! You look like you have a way to go yet ;-)

    Your eleven year old daughter is starting early - smart kid. Maybe she has some of her Mum's superpowers...x

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  5. i felt old last night... couldnt get out of the bath

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  6. Jo- I will someday be looking at the knee surgery. How far out from the surgery are you? Knees are slow healers.
    Cro- Bad knees, check. Bad back, check. Creeping arthritis, check. Excess weight and dodgy teeth, check. Working on the baldness. ;-)
    rex- congrats on the goats! Boers are so adorable with those puppy ears. I seemed to have scared many a goat owner with that frightening account! He is settling in now. Still wild, so I am still watching that boy. His name should be Pan.
    Chris, I am glad I am having multiple good somethings! ;-) Instead of the regular multiple aches, pains, warts... etc.
    John, do we need to put you on the emergency hotline list? You know the one for lost goats and men stuck in tubs? ;-) I will send Chris and Cro over to hoist you out. haha!

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  7. beautiful....whatever your age.

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  8. I don't know about Cro, but I draw the line at hoisting hairy arsed nurses out of bath tubs.

    He'd be on the phone every five minutes - stuck or not!x

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  9. Goats are hairier than John. I think. ;-)

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  10. What gets me are the gray hairs and age spots. Ick. I could do without those!

    I love that she has epiphanies!

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